so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
