hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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