PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
