I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
