Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
