You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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