we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
