omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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