When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
