Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Just high enough for therapy.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
