you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Randomize
