I wish I only lived at night.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize