Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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