Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
