last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize