You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
