Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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