That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
