I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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