i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
