I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
