We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
