census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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