At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I could make wine with my vomit
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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