Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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