you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
