why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
