update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Text me some of your sweat
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