DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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