I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
