I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I can't turn off my feet"
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
