when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize