this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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