Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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