NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
