just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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