There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
