all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
