garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
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