:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
