I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
