So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
bring money and cleavage
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
