I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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