Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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