...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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