Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
