Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
People in love make me want to vomit
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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