i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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