Your face is a jimmy john
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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