he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
