I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
