i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
