why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
