I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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