I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
