Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
