I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
