I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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