If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
