Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
"it" just moved
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
